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sombrefanA blow by blow account of my viewing experience of possibly the worst TV show in living memory.
Random observations as the show goes on:
Slavery still rampant in England in the 18th Century.
As is voodoo and sex.
Yay. Garbage do the theme song "I would die for you". I think that's the name. Credits not quite a clone of Buffy's but it gets close.
Annoying beautiful teenagers. Blonde lead very pale. Naked male bums. We see slash writers leaping for joy.
Mysterious vase discovered. Aha. Mysterious flashback dream sequence. Featuring voodoo, sex and this time death.
Blonde lead's best friend is a lesbian. Huh. One other girl appears to be British Cordelia.
All British teenagers are horny and discuss sex in art class.Gratituous shower scene followed by scary mirror sequence. No cliches were hurt in the making of this show.
Headmaster obsessed with sex and oranges. Is he supposed to be Giles?
Blonde lead finally aware something weird going on 30 minutes into show. Has awful taste in cardigans. Show's special effect budget blown on falling tree branch stunt.
Vases are evil. Facial expressions are important in acting. These actors are capable of this once every two minutes. Teenagers now watching porn movie. Lesbian best friend traumatised by blonde lead watching porn film. Unrequited love? Yes.
18th century events explained by headmaster to blonde lead who doesn't understand the flashback dream sequence. Some of the worst acting scenes in living memory now follow. Let us draw a veil over them. One hour till this is over. Regret not watching a TV movie about the making of Dynasty.
Nightclub party sequence. Men seen dancing with beer bottles. Ah those were the days. Mentally decide to take a pair of scissors to British Cordelia's fringe. Ah, blonde lead has magic electric powers. These are triggered when drunk men try to kiss her. Have I described the school yet? It's a stately home.
Blonde lead tries to act again, fortunately her best friend stops her. 14 different cardigans worn on screen by blonde lead so far. Mysterious Angel look a like spotted.
Gratituous female underwear scene followed by Carrie like scene. Blonde lead can now set things on fire with her mind. My wife and I decide if this show is ever seen in the States, the Americans will just laugh it off the screen.
Headmaster explains about The Fallen. Angels who fell in love with mortal women. Didn't Mark Millar do a comic book series about this? Azazeal appears to be the name of Angel lookalike. Sky One keeps on pushing pseudo girl on girl action. So much for them trying to go upmarket.
Best friend upset by blonde lead using powers to control topless men and declares love for her. Realise blonde lead is called Cassie and best friend's name is Thelma. God this show doesn't seem to end. Buffy could show so much more and do it so much better in 45 minutes than Hex does in 105 mins.
Thelma is missing. This can only be a good thing. Hopefully, the same thing will happen to the rest of the cast. Cassie spots Angel guy again. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
Angel guy (Azazeal) can play piano. First sign of talent on the show tonight. Azazeal has East European accent and can float rose petals in the air. He cries as well which messes his eyeliner. Do not see him getting spin off series in three years time. He has kidnapped Thelma in an attempt to kill her and regain strength. This plot makes no sense. Thelma gets killed by mistake, Azazeal goes through awful CGI transformation sequence.
Phew, It was just a dream in Cassie's head. But wait Thelma found dead in lake. Cassie is sad and wears tasteful red beret to Thelma's funeral. Inevitably Thelma comes back as a ghost. Cassie and Thelma laugh.
The End.
This show is awful, please do not watch it. I beg you. You will thank me one day. Sky One should be ashamed in trying to promote Hex as the British Buffy.
Random observations as the show goes on:
Slavery still rampant in England in the 18th Century.
As is voodoo and sex.
Yay. Garbage do the theme song "I would die for you". I think that's the name. Credits not quite a clone of Buffy's but it gets close.
Annoying beautiful teenagers. Blonde lead very pale. Naked male bums. We see slash writers leaping for joy.
Mysterious vase discovered. Aha. Mysterious flashback dream sequence. Featuring voodoo, sex and this time death.
Blonde lead's best friend is a lesbian. Huh. One other girl appears to be British Cordelia.
All British teenagers are horny and discuss sex in art class.Gratituous shower scene followed by scary mirror sequence. No cliches were hurt in the making of this show.
Headmaster obsessed with sex and oranges. Is he supposed to be Giles?
Blonde lead finally aware something weird going on 30 minutes into show. Has awful taste in cardigans. Show's special effect budget blown on falling tree branch stunt.
Vases are evil. Facial expressions are important in acting. These actors are capable of this once every two minutes. Teenagers now watching porn movie. Lesbian best friend traumatised by blonde lead watching porn film. Unrequited love? Yes.
18th century events explained by headmaster to blonde lead who doesn't understand the flashback dream sequence. Some of the worst acting scenes in living memory now follow. Let us draw a veil over them. One hour till this is over. Regret not watching a TV movie about the making of Dynasty.
Nightclub party sequence. Men seen dancing with beer bottles. Ah those were the days. Mentally decide to take a pair of scissors to British Cordelia's fringe. Ah, blonde lead has magic electric powers. These are triggered when drunk men try to kiss her. Have I described the school yet? It's a stately home.
Blonde lead tries to act again, fortunately her best friend stops her. 14 different cardigans worn on screen by blonde lead so far. Mysterious Angel look a like spotted.
Gratituous female underwear scene followed by Carrie like scene. Blonde lead can now set things on fire with her mind. My wife and I decide if this show is ever seen in the States, the Americans will just laugh it off the screen.
Headmaster explains about The Fallen. Angels who fell in love with mortal women. Didn't Mark Millar do a comic book series about this? Azazeal appears to be the name of Angel lookalike. Sky One keeps on pushing pseudo girl on girl action. So much for them trying to go upmarket.
Best friend upset by blonde lead using powers to control topless men and declares love for her. Realise blonde lead is called Cassie and best friend's name is Thelma. God this show doesn't seem to end. Buffy could show so much more and do it so much better in 45 minutes than Hex does in 105 mins.
Thelma is missing. This can only be a good thing. Hopefully, the same thing will happen to the rest of the cast. Cassie spots Angel guy again. Zzzzzzzzzzz.
Angel guy (Azazeal) can play piano. First sign of talent on the show tonight. Azazeal has East European accent and can float rose petals in the air. He cries as well which messes his eyeliner. Do not see him getting spin off series in three years time. He has kidnapped Thelma in an attempt to kill her and regain strength. This plot makes no sense. Thelma gets killed by mistake, Azazeal goes through awful CGI transformation sequence.
Phew, It was just a dream in Cassie's head. But wait Thelma found dead in lake. Cassie is sad and wears tasteful red beret to Thelma's funeral. Inevitably Thelma comes back as a ghost. Cassie and Thelma laugh.
The End.
This show is awful, please do not watch it. I beg you. You will thank me one day. Sky One should be ashamed in trying to promote Hex as the British Buffy.
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no subject
Date: 2004-10-17 06:05 pm (UTC)Seriously, you foreigners are wierd.
Just kidding.
SWS
no subject
Date: 2004-10-17 07:13 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-10-18 04:51 am (UTC)huh
Date: 2004-10-17 07:43 pm (UTC)but tell me about Spaced. We haven't gotten that here and I haven't heard of any DVD plans. is it good?
Re: huh
Date: 2004-10-17 11:20 pm (UTC)Re: huh
Date: 2004-10-18 06:51 am (UTC)Fabulous
Date: 2004-10-18 06:21 am (UTC)watch!
Date: 2004-10-18 06:53 am (UTC)This was a delight to read.
Date: 2004-10-18 07:42 am (UTC)[grin]
The sad thing is that I'm now tempted to see if it's even worse than your review suggests.