sombrefan

"The leadership of Oglaigh na hEireann has formally ordered an end to the armed campaign.
All IRA units have been ordered to dump arms and those bank notes we got from the Northern Bank robbery. All Volunteers have been instructed to assist the development of purely political and democratic programmes through exclusively peaceful means such as sucking up to the American politicians who don't mind speaking to terrorists like us. Volunteers must not engage in any other activities whatsoever except knee capping those joyriders.

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We are proud of the comradely way in which this truly historic discussion was conducted. The outcome of our consultations show very strong support among IRA Volunteers for the Sinn Fein peace strategy. Except the South Armagh brigade who have gone over to the Real IRA.

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We believe there is now an alternative way to achieve this and to end British rule in our country. It is the responsibility of all Volunteers to show leadership, determination and courage when negotiating for our latest cocaine and heroine deals.

We are very mindful of the sacrifices of our patriot dead, those who went to jail, Volunteers, their families and the wider republican base. So we've sold them out.

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We call for maximum unity and effort by Irish republicans everywhere. We are confident that by working together Irish republicans can achieve our objectives. Remember we're the nice terrorists who used to bomb and kill people in London.

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This comprehensive series of unparalleled initiatives is our contribution to this and to the continued endeavours to bring about independence and unity for the people of Ireland. Sorry about the 1000s of dead, wasn't all our fault.